Sunday, August 28, 2016

Plants and Cloth and Emotions

 It's been a crazy time. A crazy life. I lost a best friend (deception) and that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I crashed and I rebuilt and I'm glad I crashed. It's good to rediscover emotional self reliance. It's good to wipe the slate clean and start over mentally, and physically. It's not good to handle things the way I did initially but we crawl and we fall before we walk and stand tall. During the crash, I did a lot of damage to my whole self but I think I had to tear apart the facade to get to myself, to let myself back out again. Too many years I spent superficially dealing with life and coping with the stress of 2 special needs kids, my mother's death, and some other personal things. I hid and I pacified and I didn't cope. But I found my way back out. 

I miss my best friend but he was a man- child pile of garbage that took himself out. It felt like he died. I had to grieve. It felt ridiculous. I love too hard. I do have other best friends, my sister being the very best, and they're each special to me.

I lost myself in cloth, the kids, family, friends, (local and far away) gaming (WoW and Guild Wars 2,) gardening- especially permaculture, learning, quantum mechanics (I'm hooked.) and the cat. Can't leave her out.

About losing myself in cloth- internalizing and focusing on those stitches... I use my needle and thread to weave my heartache, fears, and excitement into whatever cloth I'm talking to at that moment. I stitch secrets that are solely between my spirit and the cloth. A safe place.
I think about a world without words. I think about communicating in silence, in love, and nothing else. Words are inadequate. Love is not inadequate. Not real love.


#2 son, the one who has been in temporary residential for 2.5 years getting therapy for severe autism, is coming home around the end of September. We're just working on getting services in place first. He comes home every weekend now. And it's challenging most weekends. We'll make it happen.

#1 son, moderate autism. He hit 13 (THAT age... and boy do we know it) and he hit it hard and fast. HE has developed some interesting behaviors that require vigilance on my part. I do sort of 'homeschooling' with him during his waking hours to keep him busy.

 So enough of that.

I have rented here for 9 yrs, and, this year, we can finally garden. So there are community gardens around the lot and a few of us have gardens on our own doorsteps. I have used every container I can get my hands on! I gardened all the time at my mother's house, now my sister's house. I will grow there again next year. My fruit trees are there. Just too much going on this year! My carrots are doing ok. Herbs are doing great. Tomatoes are late but faaaabulous. Zucchini, late but hopefully awesome. I only have one right now. Neighborhood cat keeps eating the flowers. We call him 'Neighbor Cat.' My own cat is "White Cat." I bet you can't figure out why.

 Star blanket... getting there! Tony and I stretched this out the other day. I'm going to make it as long as the blocks on the left and as wide as the blocks on the right. I curl up with it sometimes now but I usually bring it upstairs and put it on my bureau to remind me first thing in the morning to GET UP and PLAY!

There are so many moons and stars, and it seems fitting... I've been working on this for so many moons. And some of those moons were dyed and dried under the Moon. A number of hidden stars, too. And I'll add more. Maybe I'll forget and I'll be surprised when I find them again, and I'll remember the moments I stitched them in. And some trees that talk to the moons and the stars. As Maraad said, "In the Light, we are One." (World of Warcraft.) 

The back of one of the blocks is from Nicky's boppy pillow. I had to retire that poor thing. He got 12 years out of it. I'm glad I thought to salvage the cloth off it. I want to see it often.

 And, some old indigo, some new indigo, some chestnut and some 1800's pink scraps. It feels just right. Just the right thickness, perfect for a snuggle.

 I can't believe it's the end of August. Overall, it's been a wonderful summer. I am blessed.


jude said...

Hey, Nice to see you keeping keeping on with the blanket. I have big stuff patiently waiting.

jess said...

Hey Jude! I need to get more pics of this one, it's all done! Well, until I find something else to add to it. :D Thank you so much for adding me to your blogs; I'm honored.

yvette said...

Jess thank you for visiting me
You are so open and sweet!
I'll be back!!