Monday, July 18, 2011

To give life...

It's the first thing that was given to me. I was given life, by my mother.

She knows how to make the best of everything. She keeps the faith, and she's tough as nails.

Life, it begins and it ends. We all know that. We accept it and we fear it. We plant, we harvest. Things come to life, they grow, and they die.

Life begins, and it ends.

We don't always have a choice of what grows and what doesn't. Sometimes, we nurture something forever and ever, and still, a healthy plant won't make it to the time we set to harvest it.

Love has been planted, from a mother to her children... through every season, that love will live on, and it will be passed from hand to hand, generation to generation, neighbor to neighbor.

That's the way it's always been.

My mother is in the fight of her life. I hope and I pray and I cry and I try to reason and I bargain... please, don't let this be the time that God has set to harvest. God, please let us have more time. Quality time. I love you, God, and I always have. Please wrap your arms around us all right now, because we are scared, grieving, unsure, numb, terrified, and crying. We're grateful, too, for such a love that we can feel all of those things.

Oddly perhaps, that was one of your gifts.

I love you so much, ma. I would die for you right now if I could, and if you'd let me.
Mom has been diagnosed with stage IV renal cell cancer, metastasized to her hip (fractured, currently no pain, but she had what was dx'd as sciatica a few months ago), brain (no symptoms), spine (no symptoms), and possibly right leg (a little swelling, spasms). The doctors may have missed this a few months ago. The doctors are giving us mixed information, and she's seeing some of the best in the state (in Augusta) beginning Monday, for radiation and chemo, every day. The nurse told me tonight she believed it was palliative. I was told before that's not the case. Mom is not ready to give up. I've seen stories of people who have beat this for years.

Family and friends are pulling together, preparing to coach mom and walk with her hand in hand through this fight. I have faith. And I have the knowledge that God has his child in his arms for the whole journey.


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