Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Yarn, knitting, black coffee...

Black coffee rules. Especially if it's Dunkin. Today, I got M to work; got the kids shoveled off to school... after I dropped off Tony and my nephew Braddums (Brad), N and I went for a walk down by the water. No pics, it was just us and we were too busy taking in the world around us to take pictures. Or the euphemistic- free version: I didn't think to bring the camera.

Autism rant ahead:

Last night, my 4.5 year old kid dumped his milk all over the coffee table and carpet, looked at me and laughed. He wants negative attention. I'm not supposed to (beat his ass) give it to him. His behavior plan says I am supposed to clean it up and not look at him and not react, and go back to what I was doing. I don't believe in being a dictator; but I don't believe in letting a short one run my house and call the shots. Mom and dad have mutual respect for each other; the kids should have the same for us, as well. But ultimately, WE call the shots. He has been acting up a lot lately. I think it was Saturday night that, while I was making dinner, he didn't like that I said he needed to wait, and he opened a container of yogurt, put his hand in, and threw several handfuls on the couch and floor. I cleaned it up, threw away the yogurt (previously unopened) and walked outside and cried and I watched the sunset. Mike came out, played with my hair (he's an expert here) and we talked till the sun went down while the kids ate @ the dinner table. Once they were in bed, we ate. That is the closest I came to feeling like giving up. (he did other things that day, too...) He goes in up swings and down swings. As long as I severely structure his time, he's usually fine.

I swear I do love him and I am grateful for him, don't get the wrong idea there.

OK. The yarn is dry and skeined. Check it out. I love it. On the left skein, there is a dark spot... it isn't burned, but some brown dye came off one of the chopsticks and it got on the yarn. I like it.

Handspun- left is alpaca from Cajun Fibers... right is, I think, corriedale, from Halcyon that I dyed.

This, I adore. With this yarn, I speak in French. It's soft and beautiful. I will dye a ton more yarn just like this because the colors bring to me my favorite time of year. It's strange... when everything is dying up here, I feel comfort and love and inspiration. I must be a closet goth. My dad, family friends, personal friends, family- most died in the fall. But I still love fall the most.
So, here's to life and to death and that which bridges them.


Anonymous said...

I love dunkin coffee too (thanks to you it is my new fave) but I don't drink it black, I use equal and sugar free creamer for mine.

You knitting is gorgeous. The colors are gorgeous. Fall is my favorite time of year too. If I am ever blessed with another child, I want to cloth diaper some. I will be keeping you in business with soakers and knit clothes but you will have to teach me how to care for it and what cloth diapering (and wool) involves. :o)

Kathy has been going thru the same things with C that you are going thru with N. I believe they are 2 of a kind. She feels the same that you do. I wish I knew what to say or do to help you girls (and the boys). Hang in there, stay strong.

I have grown to love and respect you. I feel that we have been close friends for a very long time. I feel that you are one of my best friends even though we have never met in person. I swear that one day I will make it up there and we will meet.

Kerri said...

i agree your knitting is divine!! i so want to learn to knit. i just need more hours in the day!

my heart goes out to you. my nephew is autistic and i see my sister go through so much of the same thing. you really are an angel to me!!!